


Kiss today goodbye, And point me toward tomorrow

by Kiwipineapple



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 16:18:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwipineapple/pseuds/Kiwipineapple
Summary: Katara and Zuko share an epic love, but the world won't let them be together.





	Kiss today goodbye, And point me toward tomorrow

It was raining that day. The day former Fire Lord Zuko, first of his name, founder of Republic City, Ambassador of the Fire Nation, Resurrector of Dragons and Herald of Peace breathed his last breath. It was warm in his room. Izumi had lit a fire for him and he lay under heaps of blankets. The doctors had already talked to young Iroh about the fluid in his grandfather’s lungs. Zuko had been sick for a long time, and he was ready to fall asleep. He was comforted by his grandson’s grip on his hand and Izumi’s sweet voice reading aloud from  _ The Legend of Oma and Shu _ . In the glow of the single fire, she looked the mirror image of Kimiko, her mother. It always broke Zuko’s heart to see his baby girl’s hair streaked with gray and the fine wrinkles around her eyes. In this lighting, he could pretend she was still a young woman giving him company as he read over international legislation.

He groaned as a cold draft blew through the room. The scar on his chest gave a painful twinge, as it always does in the cold. Iroh leaned over to lay yet another blanket over his grandfather’s chest. The sight of his grandson’s face etched with worry took him back to another tragic day.

Zuko remembered going to greet his grandson’s cruiser, back from the latest visit to the South Pole. His mind had been buzzing with 100 different thoughts. He was remembering Korra’s latest letter, Mako latest request for more guards, Tenzin’s invitation to his house, and plans for the 15th anniversary of Izumi’s reign. Greeting Iroh’s ship was a formality; something he was doing because Izumi was too busy at that particular moment. Zuko saw Iroh descending from the deck and moved to clap him on the back and welcome him home. Iroh was not pleased to see him. He lay his hand on grandfather’s shoulder and produced a note from his inside pocket. 

To our loved ones in the Fire Nation

Last night, mother passed away. She didn’t feel too much pain. She was outside with me and Bumi. We were looking up at the southern lights and when they faded we looked over at her and she was gone. I don’t know what else to say except that she loved all of you and I need you all to know what happened. Uncle Zuko, I was hoping that you would come and visit me. With Uncle Sokka and Aunt Suki gone, I need one of my guardian angels here and I know Aunt Toph won’t be up to it. I don’t even know how to tell her this. I think I may send Bumi to go tell her. He was always the best with her. I am so glad that Iroh was here with me so soon after. He’s such a sweet boy and was such a comfort to me and Bumi. Izzy, I would love to see you too, but I know you’re very busy. 

All my love,

Kya

 

Zuko’s entire body went numb. He didn’t react when Iroh took the note out of his hand. He didn’t say anything as he was lead to the palace. His expression didn’t change while Izumi read over her best friend’s note. She jumped into action commanding her servants to start packing for a trip to the South Pole. She looked up at him and whispered, “Daddy, are you ok? It must hurt to lose your best friend. You were so close to her.” That made him snap out of it. He recoiled from her touch. That was what they thought. That’s what the whole world thought. She was just his friend. He left the room and crossed the long hallway to his own suite. 

There was a framed picture on his mantelpiece. It had been delivered to him along with dozens of coronation paintings. It was the six of them. Sukki was sitting in between Sokka’s legs and leaning into his chest. Toph was punching Aang’s arm and he was laughing at something she said. Katara was smiling, distracted, at her brother and his girlfriend, but her arm was resting on Zuko’s shoulder. She was using him as an armrest. They were all dressed up in their formal finery, but their poses were relaxed, content. They were young and happy and together. 

Zuko lay his hand against the frame and breathed deeply. His body was too heavy today. His muscles were too weak and his bones were too brittle. He would give anything to be back there again; to spar with Sokka, to be teased by Sukki, to lecture Aang. They were gone. All gone… And now. He picked up the frame and walked through another hallway, into the palace garden. He sat down, carefully - his legs were shaking. Now, Katara was gone too. She would never whisk into his office with her gaggle of children trailing behind her or demand that he get out of his damn office. He would never go shopping with her ever again. He would never eat her food or listen to her tirades. They hadn’t sparred in years. They had both grown too old. They were still powerful benders, but they didn’t have the energy to play so vigorously. 

She looked so beautiful in this picture. Her hair was dark and thick and flowed down her back. Her waist was slender and her legs toned from hard training. Her skin was clear of wrinkles and there was an energy to her. The energy of days long past. Her eyes were clear blue, but then again, they had stayed that way. Her eyes had been bright and lively all her life. Not anymore. No, those eyes would never catch his across a crowded room or roll at his stupid jokes when they were among old friends.

“She was your best friend.” No. He wasn’t losing his best friend. Sokka had been his best friend, and he had been lost years ago. She was different. He had… maybe it was too late for those thoughts. He looked past the framed picture and into the clear water of the turtleduck pond. He had sat here before, with her. About 70 years ago, he had sat in this very same spot. He could remember it so clearly. 

Zuko’s mind, completely forgetting his present reality entirely, traveled even further back. 

“Zuko?” Zuko didn’t say anything. He was deep in thought. There had been a recent outbreak of cholera in one of the smaller provinces in the south of the nation. He had just received a message this morning and had yet to figure out what all he could do to help. He had moved all his things to the courtyard, in the hope that the fresh air would help clear his mind. “Ahem, Master Katara of the Southern Watertribe humbly beseeches an audience with His Royal Majesty, Fire Lord Zuko.”

Zuko looked up at that. Katara was standing across from him. She looked a little lost in the darkness, but the gleam of her teeth made her grin rather clear in the moonlight. 

“And when did Master Katara get here?” Zuko asked her. 

She rushed forward and gave him a big hug before plopping down beside him. “Just an hour ago. Aang has a few people to talk to and he’s going to stay the night in Koyaoka. I begged off. I’m exhausted and I want to abuse your hospitality. I’m sick of sleeping on Appa.” 

“You’ve been gone for a long time. I missed your birthday. Happy 21st.”

“I got your hawk! And the beautiful earrings. I loved it so much! Can I ask about the dagger, though?”

“It’s traditional to give a girl jewelry when she becomes an adult, but you were a warrior too. Warriors are supposed to get weapons. I just thought you would appreciate being recognized as both. I picked the earrings out personally. I thought it would complement your eyes. ” Katara blushed at that and Zuko scrambled to change the subject. “And you need the dagger because your bending is fairly useless at close range.” The blush changed to a scowl and Zuko became frantic. “What did you and Aang do on the special day?” 

“He took me on savanna to see the armadillo-lions. It was sufficiently terrifying. I refuse to ever go back and I am planning all future birthday celebrations for myself.” Her words were slightly clipped, but when she was finished they slipped into a comfortable silence. After several minutes of silence, Katara spoke again. “So, what’s the latest drama with your council?”

“No drama, actually.” Katara’s eyebrow lifted skeptically at that. “Really! Each member is being perfectly nice to me in the hopes that I’ll pick his daughter to be the Fire Lady. Once I pick one, they’ll be like vultures again though.”

“You have any favorites? Anyone you can see being the Future Mrs. Sparky?” 

Yes. “No, and you’ve been spending time with Toph.”

“Just a bit,” she shrugged. “It’s a good thing you and Mai broke up. I’m sure she was freaking them all out, what with her entire family being named traitors.”

“I feel like at this point they’ll take anyone Fire Nation.”

Katara nodded. “We freak them out too, don’t we. Us foreigners, hanging around you all the time and whispering in your ears.”

“The war was long and hard. They don’t completely trust outsiders. The council won’t distance you guys because you’re all powerful and you’re great allies in negotiations, but-” 

“But, you don’t have any friends at home. You have your uncle and a handful of trusted advisors. They need someone who will bind you to your country. That will remind the people that your allegiance is to them.”

“I guess.” Zuko didn’t say anything else. There was no point. She obviously didn’t care, she had Aang. It didn’t matter that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met. It didn’t matter that his heart pounded in his chest when he heard she was coming to visit. It didn’t matter that his entire body sang when she smiled at him. It didn’t matter that once upon a time, he had thought she could love him. It didn’t matter-

“Aang asked me to marry him.” Zuko struggled not to react to those words. “He asked me a couple of days ago, and I’m going to say yes.” 

“Congratulations.” Zuko could do this. He knew he could. 

“My entire tribe is telling me to do it. Your council needs you to find a domestic bride, but my tribe... Sokka and I have secured a thousand alliances, but it’s not solid enough. The tribe is just too small. We aren’t relevant at the negotiations and if something major doesn’t happen then we’re going to be absorbed into the North.”

Zuko felt a twinge of anger at that. “That makes it sound like you’re using him.”

Katara didn’t let his accusation wound her. She looked over at him and tilted her head. “Silly…” she murmured, shaking her head. “That’s what my tribe is saying, but that’s not why I’m saying yes. The world needs me to marry him.”

“Katara, that’s stupid and egotistical and-” 

“No, it’s not.” She stopped him. “Aang needs to have children. There need to be more airbenders. It’s not just that. Any woman could give him children. Aang needs a family, something that will keep him from running away so much. Aang needs a guiding hand that he’ll actually listen to so that he isn’t too lenient or too harsh. You know that he’s always so extreme.”

“Anyone can do that, Katara.”

“I wish that were true. What would happen, right this moment, if I broke up with him? If I told him no.” Zuko knew the answer. Aang would go into hiding and never come out alone. He would wait for someone to find him. “Exactly,” Katara said, seeing that he understood. “He would date after that, never focusing on his job and instead focusing on his latest romance or the next adventure he wants to have. On the other hand, if we got married, then he would make a home for us. A place he would be duty bound to return to. He’s not a bad person. He would never leave his wife and children. He’s never abandoned his girlfriend. No matter how badly we’ve fought or what he’s faced, every day - for the past 5 years - I have known where Aang is or what he’s doing.” 

Zuko could see that she was right. The Fire Nation needed something from Aang nearly once a month and as Fire Lord, he needed to know he could reach the Avatar when it was necessary and that the Avatar would respond to his needs a timely fashion. Katara kept Aang organized. She made sure that people knew where he was. She made sure he checked and responded to his mail. She made sure that he practiced all of his forms every day and that he was constantly stretching his abilities. She took care of him for the entire world and she was the only one Aang loved enough to allow it. 

He turned his head away from her. He couldn’t bear to look at her. “I hope he makes you happy.” 

Katara nodded her head. They were silent again. He still wouldn’t look at her, but Katara couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. He was beautiful in the moonlight. He looked so worried and so tired. She wished she could see him happy, just once. Not just smiling, but truly happy. She knew there was more to discuss. She looked up to the moon with a mournful smile on her lips.

“You could have made me happy.” Those words were like knives in Zuko’s chest. It seemed like he was being hit with lightning all over again. She looked back at him. “If we were no one. If we weren’t burdened with the care of the whole damn world, then we could have been truly happy together. It’s too bad that that isn’t a possibility.”

If they had been having this conversation 4 years ago, Zuko would be enraged. He would have been thrown a tantrum and demanded that she reconsider. He would have done everything in his power to change her mind, and it wouldn’t be too difficult to do so. Katara would be begging him to get her to ignore her reasons. She would be praying that he would grab her and kiss her senseless. She would be hoping that they could jump into their happiness and ignore all the barriers in their way. It wouldn’t go like that now because the past years had really changed them. 

They had spent the past five years acting as politicians and diplomats. They had worked to negotiate a hundred pieces of legislation. They had worked so hard to create lasting peace and to make the world worth living in. They had already sacrificed days for the greater good. They had sacrificed their childhoods for that greater good. They weren’t going to render those sacrifices useless. They weren’t selfish enough to harm their subjects or their friends’ happiness. 

Zuko cleared his throat and lay his hand on top of Katara’s slightly smaller one. “I would have done anything to make you happy.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. He stood to walk away. He was just about to pass back into the palace walls when he turned around. 

“Are you in love with him?”

“No, but I love him very much.” Zuko nodded and walked back into his bedroom. 

“I will always love you, Zuko,” she murmured into the dark. Zuko pretended like he didn’t hear her.

The next morning, Zuko ordered a feast and entertainers for the evening meal. He watched from his balcony as Appa landed on the lower balcony. He watched Aang jump off and greet his girlfriend. He watched Katara murmur something to him and watch a wide smile spread across Aang’s face. He saw his best friend tie an engagement pendant around her neck. He watched the girl he loved, kiss her fiance as he twirled her around. 

He hosted their congratulatory feast that night. He toasted two of his best friends and their future happiness. He made it through that day. He watched Aang dance around the floor with Katara. He watched her hug his uncle close and share a cup of tea with him. He talked to all of the counselor's daughters and made nice with all of his guests.  Finally, Katara approached him and asked for a dance. 

Katara placed her left hand on his shoulder and Zuko pulled her closer to him.

“Congratulations, Master Katara,” Zuko said. “I hope I can wrangle an invitation to what is sure to be the wedding of the century.” Katara looked a little shocked at his cavalier attitude, but she didn’t comment on it. 

“I’m sure we can spare an invitation. It would be such and honor if you could come,”

They went on like this, exchanging sarcastic formal remarks and sharing pithy gossip about the couples around them. Katara turned back from the twirl ready to comment on Lord Yagami’s hand that was just a bit too low on his partner’s back, but Zuko had another idea.

He looked down at her with his little wry smile and his grip on her waist seemed to tighten, just a bit. “We’ll make it through this Katara. Our friendship has survived worse. Hell, it came into being through worse.” 

“Yes, our friendship,” Katara muttered bitterly.

“For what it’s worth, I’ll always love you too.” 

No one around them saw anything special on the dance floor. There were fifty couples on that dance floor. Some of them were sharing their very first dance. Others were remembering a hundred such dances in their past and hoping for a hundred more. Some were on the verge of heartbreak and some of them were dancing as a formality. No one else would ever know that one couple was enjoying the entire span of a romance in that one dance. For the thirty seconds, before the song ended, they could pretend. Pretend that this was the beginning of their epic courtship. They could dream about their wedding, their children, their happiness, but thirty seconds would be over soon. Then they would part, and they could never encourage those wishes again. 

The instruments played their final notes and Katara and Zuko both hated those final notes, but they separated and bowed to each other. Aang suddenly appeared, claiming Katara for the next dance. Zuko felt his heart break again at the sight, but he let her go. He smiled at Aang and shook his hand firmly. 

Aang and Katara didn’t stay. Aang was eager to share their happy news with Katara’s family. Zuko didn’t go out to say goodbye to them. He sent Iroh with some stupid excuse for him. He felt like a coward, but his facade was cracking. Seeing Katara again would completely shatter it. 

He met Kimiko two months later. She was the embodiment of the traditional Fire Nation noblewoman. He had met her at one of his uncle’s tea party’s. She was soft-spoken, demure, and well-educated. She was a favorite of the people and the daughter of one of the richest country lords in his council. There was no courting between the two of them. He went to her father and expressed his interest and then proposed to her. There was no deception between them. He understood that she was marrying him because her family expected her to accept his proposal. She knew that he needed closer ties to his nobility and to cement his identity as a Fire Nation loyalist. Their wedding was announced within three months of their first meeting and those months were spent in negotiations on issues of dowry, allowances, and wedding presents. It also gave Zuko and Kimiko time to become friends and to learn how to be comfortable around each other. Kimiko started working on her Fire Lady responsibilities and her charity work in the Caldera. 

It was only natural for Zuko to bring his fiancee with him to the Avatar’s wedding. Kimiko watched him the entire weekend. She watched him hug Sokka tight and kiss Suki on the cheek. She met Toph in the hallway while Zuko was carrying her piggyback on his back. Zuko would always remember how shocked she had been to see him smiling so widely and acting so silly. She stood by his side as he shook hands with Chiefs Hakoda and Arnook. Aang ran up to both of them and hugged her tight. He was so happy to meet her. 

He had still been bouncing around them when Katara came out to greet them. Kimiko was watching when his gaze softened and Katara responded to his whispered “Hello” with a dazzling smile of her own. Kimiko watched him hug her and she saw how her eyes closed and her arms around him tightened for just a moment before she backed away. Zuko couldn’t tear his eyes away from Katara, but she quickly focused in on the slender figure in black and gold furs behind him. 

“Lady Kimiko, it is truly an honor to have you with us today.” She then surprised Kimiko with a formal Fire Nation bow; sweeping her deep blue furs and giving a full curtsey. When she straightened up, she held her arms out to Kimiko and hugged her. “I look forward to getting to know you better. We all care so much for Zuko and he seems very happy with you.” Kimiko was stunned for a moment, but she quickly snapped out of it. 

“Master Katara it is an honor to be attending your wedding. I wish many years of happiness on you and Avatar Aang.” She mirrored Katara’s bow and straightened back up. “I also look forward to many years of friendship between us.” 

Kimiko didn’t mention that interaction right away. She didn’t question his inability to tear his eyes away from the bride when she appeared in violet robes at the door of the igloo. She didn’t ask him why he clenched his fists when Katara uttered her wedding vows. She didn’t comment on the way her fiancee continuously peeked down at the blushing bride when he was dancing with her at the reception. 

She stood by his side all weekend. She shook hands with his friends and made small talk with various leaders that had come to attend the wedding of the century. She didn’t say anything until they were back on the boat and the shore was disappearing behind them. 

“You could have said something. You could have told me you loved her.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. It really doesn’t affect our lives at all,” he said before descending into the hull.

Katara didn’t attend Zuko’s wedding. She was six months pregnant. Aang attended for the both of them. She sent Kimiko a beautiful black stone choker and Zuko a set of bone daggers that matched the hilt design of his dao swords. Aang delivered them as if they were nothing, but Kimiko noticed Zuko wore the daggers at the wedding. 

Katara wasn’t able to travel for a couple of years. Bumi was still swaddling clothes when she became pregnant again. Zuko ordered a thick blanket, toy blades, and a stuffed animal for him. While she was stuck at the South Pole, she wrote thousands of letters to Zuko. They were always signed, “Yours, Katara”. He still had those letters, in the order he received them.

Zuko wrote to her about all his serious concerns. It was only natural that he let her know that Kimiko was pregnant before he had made the official announcement. It was only natural that he consulted her about baby names. When the doctors warned him of complications with Kimiko’s pregnancy he couldn’t help begging Katara for her advice on treatment.

The next thing Zuko knew, Appa was landing in the Palace courtyard. Katara placed Bumi in Uncle Iroh’s eager arms and ran up to Kimiko’s room with Kya still slung across her back. She was just in time. Kimiko went into labor three hours later. Zuko wasn’t allowed in the room, so he sat outside her rooms and watched harried maids run in and out. She was in labor for 37 hours. One of Kimiko’s ladies-in-waiting emerged from the door and bowed to him. 

“Fire Lord Zuko, you’re a father. You have a baby girl.” When Zuko finally entered the room, Kimiko was awake, waiting for him. In her arms, was the source of all the fuss. He reached out to hold her and sat in the chair next to Kimiko’s bed. 

“She looks like you, dear,” Kimiko whispered.

“No, she’s beautiful like you,” he murmured back. 

“Thank you for calling her. I- I couldn’t have done it without her.” Zuko saw Katara then. One of the court nurses must have taken Kya off her hands at some point. She was fast asleep on the couch. “She fell asleep as soon as she put the baby in my hands.”

“I didn’t call her. I just told her what the doctor said.”

“Mhmm, but she was worried about us.”

“She’ll always worry about us. She worries about everyone. It’s who Katara is.” He put the baby in the little bassinet and stroke her little forehead. 

Kimiko looked towards the lady asleep on the couch. “I want to name the baby Izumi,” 

“You want to name the heir of Fire Nation “fountain”?”

“I want to honor the woman who brought her into the world and Izumi is the only common Fire name that is associated with water.”

“They… they’ll think it was my choice,”

“Screw them.” Zuko was shocked by her slight profanity. “I’m alive because of her. Izumi is alive because of her.  _ You’re _ alive because of her. We’ve been married for years and we have a daughter. She’s not yours. She and I are going to be best friends, just you watch.”

Katara stayed in the Caldera for a month. She never approached Zuko when he was alone. Instead, she spent all of her time with Kimiko. She spent time healing Kimiko, taking tea with Kimiko, writing letters for Kimiko while she was resting. She was constantly hovering over the Fire Lady and the new princess. She was obviously paranoid that one of them would fall sick. She only left because Aang came personally to pick her up. 

She became a regular part of his life after that. She was always dropping by the castle. She would sit at tea with Kimiko or advise him on policy matters. After Tenzin was born, she became a regular nomad and the Caldera was one of her favorite haunts.  Katara loved to sit with Izumi and Kya on her knees; spinning stories and singing songs. She really was Kimiko’s best friend and the two women were always sending letters to each other and organizing grand parties just to get the other to visit. 

Zuko and Katara spent plenty of time together too. Neither of them discussed their affection ever again, but it was there in every interaction they had. Katara brought him dinner when he was late at work. He played tsungi horn whenever she requested him to do so. He always collected her favorite treats and fruits whenever she came to the palace. She loved his family like her own. Katara would always be his first thought in the morning and his last thought before he fell asleep. 

Zuko’s breath grew short. He eased back completely into his pillows and reached out, weakly, to Izumi. He could remember her so clearly. Baby Izumi toddling back and forth in the palace courtyard. A slightly older Izumi, giggling as Katara entertained her with different waterbending forms. Izumi running around with Kya at the South Pole. They had both been hiding from Katara and Kimiko who had found them with their hands in the festival pies. Tenzin would snitch on them eventually. Izumi scowling when Aang came to take Katara and Kya back home.  A teenage Izumi leaning on Katara as they both wept at Kimiko’s funeral pyre. Izumi’s coronation. Izumi’s first time bending lightning. Izumi crying over Katara’s funeral. Izumi sleeping at her desk. Izumi dancing with her husband at their wedding. Izumi would always be especially precious to him. The only loved one who did not leave him and was not denied to him. His beautiful baby girl. 

Izumi was holding his hands when he passed from this world to the next. Zuko opened his eyes to find himself in his own royal courtyard. All of his old aches and pains were gone now. He felt strong and  _ bright _ , somehow. There was a figure in blue near the turtleduck pond. Katara’s spirit looked exactly as she had at 21; just as she had that day she had told him she was engaged.

“You kept me waiting long enough,” she said, her eyes still shut as she basked in the sun. 

 “No more waiting,”

“No,” she agreed. “Never again.”

“An eternity together doesn’t sound too bad.” He sat himself down, next to her. 

“I love you, Zuko. I loved you when we were teenagers. I loved you when we got married to different people. I loved you when we had children. I loved you the day I died.” Zuko didn’t know what to say. She finally turned to him and Zuko nearly wept at the sight of her blue eyes and beautiful face again. “I just thought I should be clear this time.”

   Zuko bent and kissed her, then. “I love you, too. I think a little part of me has always loved you, since that very first moment in the South Pole.” Zuko kissed her again. “And we have no more responsibilities. No one can keep us apart.”

   “Hmm, I wonder if Sokka will try.” Zuko threw his head back and laughed. And guess what? They got their happily ever after, even if they didn’t get to live it. 

 

(Kimiko is a Japanese name. Kimi means “lord” or “noble” and “ko” means child.)

(The title of this fic comes from “What I Did for Love,” from Chorus Line)

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Kimiko is a Japanese name. Kimi means “lord” or “noble” and “ko” means child.  
> The title of this fic comes from “What I Did for Love,” from Chorus Line.  
> I would love to hear what you think about this!


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